I read this headline to my wife and she snorted. Try exercising. And drinking more fluids.
The best way to increase your volume is to take your time. Get aroused, let it fade a bit. Get aroused again, let it fade again. Tease, and be teased. You’ll like the result, and it will mean you won’t have to have something called “WonderCum” in your bathroom medicine cabinet.
I may have a small penis, but it wasn’t something I was worried about until I got this email…
Look, I can understand someone who is inexperienced having some anxiety. When I was young and single, I felt really lucky if woman ever got to know what size my penis was. Have things changed so much? I mean, do women tell you guys, “Nope, can’t have coffee with you, your dick is too small”. That’s happened to you?
Are you sure she wasn’t just being polite? I mean, maybe she thought that was nicer than pointing out that you haven’t changed your pants in 3 months.
Just not always in a good way. As in, “Ow!”
Sure it matters, in the same way that big breasts matter to men. It’s an attention getter, and a symbol of pleasure. But it isn’t going to be a make-or-break kind of thing. Would you turn down sex with a woman you otherwise were attracted to because her breasts were too small? I didn’t think so.
No, what kills the deal is more likely to be your lack of bathing, or that big tattoo on your beer gut that says “Pussy Patrol”.
One of the ways that penises are enlarged is by surgery. They will inject silicone or graft on necrotic tissue to give it added girth, and they cut two ligaments so that more of it extends outside the body, resulting in a gain of about an inch. Getting that tattoo removed sounds to me like it would hurt a whole lot less.
Doesn’t that mean you’re doing it wrong?
The correct motion is in and out, not side-to-side.
I feel that this is true. A big penis probably is a symbol of more sex, more pleasure, more intensity of sex, and sexier sex. And yeah, women like sex, when it’s of their choosing. This was a big surprise to me when I was younger, because I kept hearing from guys about all the “tricks” you could use to get a woman to have sex. One of the grossest was sprinkling cigarette ashes into her soda.
The thing I learned was that all of those “tricks” are unnecessary when you found a woman who was actually interested in you in that way. Even after all these years, I don’t think I can predict what’s going to get any particular woman excited. There’s just no telling. And if a woman isn’t interested in sex with you, don’t expect her to change mind based on your ginormous tool. Have you ever known a date to go this way? Can you imagine it going this way?
Dinner is ok, the food is great, but the conversation is stilted, and there are awkward silences several times. She seems stiff and kind of pulls away from you when you put on her coat. At the door, her arms are crossed across her body and she says, “we’ll have to do that again some time.” You know this isn’t going well, so you make a last ditch effort: You unzip and whip out your monster penis!
Her eyes get big and desire fills her face. “OMG, I want that inside me, like, RIGHT NOW!” she says, and strips naked and gives you a blowjob on the stoop, then drags you inside for hours of monkey sex.
It doesn’t even happen that way in the Playboy letters.
If my wife had a magic wand and could change one thing about me that would help our relationship, I don’t think it would be my penis size, even though it’s small. I don’t think that even makes the top five list. Penises do not have much to do with relationships.
Wow, really? You mean the snoring is really sexual frustration?
Well, there was that one time that I’d been up for 48 hours straight trying to finish a project at work, and fell asleep on the couch. Maybe if I’d taken the little blue pill she could have given herself a ride while I slept?
Today we branch out from penis enlargement to Viagra and related drugs. Stuff that will make you more sexually potent. Erectile dysfunction is a serious problem. I would be the last to make fun of a guy with this problem, and for such men, Viagra is a godsend. That’s not what the spam I get selling Viagra is about, though. So I’m gonna make fun of it, too.
Ok, it’s small, but it seems pretty real to me. When Keith F. kicked me in the crotch in 8th grade, it hurt like a sonofabitch.
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind a fresh redesign of the whole contraption. For starters, I’d like one that is fully retractable (testicles too). So it would never, EVER, get caught in my zipper.
I don’t know, it sure beats some of the alternatives…
Ok, I like getting blowjobs. I remember reading about women in colleges that give blowjobs to the entire football team in order, and wondered why I never got invitations to parties like that. I guess it was because of my small penis!
But I’m a bit puzzled. Consider the following scenario:
You have a date. You have a nice conversation over dinner, with some good eye contact. She touches your hand, you stroke the back of her hand. You’re walking afterwards, and she takes your arm, pulling it close, so it makes contact with her breast through the cloth. You get to the door, and she leans in to kiss you. You kiss and she really presses into you with all parts of her body. She says, somewhat hoarsely, “come in”. You go inside and within seconds you are pulling each others clothes off.
Her hands go down your chest, down your belly, down into your pants. You notice an odd look on her face as she pulls down your pants and kneels. OMG she’s kneeling, does this mean a hummer? Yeah!
But nothing’s happening. You look down, and she has a tape measure out and she’s frowning. “That doesn’t meet my standards, sorry. I don’t think your dick would taste very good at all, it’s too small. Damn it! Another package of Altoids gone to waste.”
Has this ever happened to you?
